Who you gonna call? How ‘solo agers’ do it

If you're living alone in your later years, enlist a team of friends, local groups and national organizations to help out. Photo copyright Seventyfourimages | Dreamstime.com

By Cathy Habas
Posted on March 31, 2025

Think fast: You need someone to drive you home from surgery and help you around the house for a couple days. Who do you call?

If you couldn’t name a trusted helper, you might be a solo ager.

Around 22% of older adults are considered solo agers — people who aren’t supported by a partner or adult children as they age. Without this built-in support system, solo agers may not know who to lean on when they eventually need help.

“It’s hard, but people do age and need [help]. Very few people will be able to get along without some help somewhere along the line,” said Sara Zeff Geber, Ph.D., author of Essential Retirement Planning for Solo Agers and the person who coined the term “solo ager” back in 2013.

So, what is solo aging and what does it involve? We sat down with Dr. Geber and Ailene Gerhardt, founder of the Navigating Solo Network, to learn more. Here are some of their key action items for solo agers:

1. Build your social network and discuss roles.

Every solo ager needs to build a support network, which Gerhardt said “takes a lot of work and intentionality.” The idea is to find people capable of helping you in the future. They don’t have to be your best friend, but they do need certain skills.

Here are a few roles worth filling:

Healthcare proxies are people legally designated to speak on your behalf when you’re unable to speak for yourself. They must be good communicators, comfortable in a hospital setting, assertive but not aggressive, and capable of advocating for your wishes without imposing their own.
Health advocates may accompany you to your medical appointments to help you take notes, ask questions, and be a sounding board for decision making. With a signed medical release form, they can also access medical records and speak to healthcare providers and insurance companies on your behalf.
Other helpers can drive you to and from healthcare appointments, pick up prescriptions, care for your pets, and perform any number of other tasks. You may receive formal help from professionals or informal help from neighbors and friends. Consider joining your local “village,” a volunteer organization that helps older adults age in place.

Gerhardt also recommends connecting with people of different ages. “Your peer group may be going through similar things at similar times and may not be available to offer the support you need, whereas somebody at a different place in their life may have different availability and knowledge.”

You can meet other people by joining hobby groups, attending local events or volunteering. Check with your local library or websites like MeetUp to connect with locals with similar interests.

2. Decide where you want to live.

Solo agers may want to consider moving to a more supportive community. “The emphasis here is on community, because that’s really the biggest thing most people will need as they grow older,” Gerber said.

Life Plan communities, formerly known as continuing care retirement communities (CCRCs), and assisted living facilities are some of the more structured options. Or, consider the “Golden Girls” approach and share a big home with a few other people.

If you’re happy where you are and want to stay put, you’re not alone — most people want to live at home as they age. Make sure your proxy knows your wishes so they can advocate for home modifications and in-home care.

If you’d rather live in a retirement community, talk to your proxy about when that transition should take place and how your care will be monitored.

3. Crunch some numbers.

Geber recommends sitting down with a certified financial planner to understand your financial future.

“What’s the financial picture going to look like if you live to 95? Will you run out of money? You need to know where you stand,” she said. “Let a financial advisor plug those numbers into their spreadsheets. Most run those projections out to about 103 now because people are regularly living to 100 these days.”

Your finances and insurance policies may affect your future living arrangements and care, so make sure you can support the lifestyle you want.

4. Make plans for your pets.

Who will care for your pets when you can’t? Identify people in your support network who love animals, and ask if they’d be willing to care for or adopt your pets if something happened to you. Make sure your proxy knows who to contact if you’re ever hospitalized.

Ideally, they’ll have a chance to meet your pets and learn how to care for them beforehand. Set aside some money to go toward their care, if possible.

5. Do the paperwork.

Create a living will so your healthcare team and proxy know what kind of treatment you want. This requires a lot of self-reflection, so take your time. These workbooks may make the process easier:

The Conversation Project — What Matters to Me Workbook

Honoring Choices — Making My Wishes Clear

Prepare for Your Care — Online Program

Five Wishes — Digital and Print Workbooks

While you’re at it, have a lawyer draw up your last will and testament so your assets are distributed according to your wishes. A lawyer can also advise you about any other steps you can take to protect your health, finances, and home as you age.

“If you set up your legal plans, if you have an estate plan in place, it’s not heavy lifting for the person you ask” to be your proxy, Geber said.

6. Live a dynamic life

Once your plan is squared away, it’s time to “live a dynamic life,” as Gerhardt put it. “Lifelong learning, navigating change, finding ways to stay connected, volunteering, mentoring, taking classes, those kinds of things,” she said. “All of that planning is great, but the idea is to plan so you can go live your life.”