The Bachelorettes of the DMV
The hope that lasting love can happen later in life recently got a huge boost, thanks to Joan Vassos of Rockville and Nancy Hulkower of Alexandria. Both appeared on the first season of the popular ABC program “The Golden Bachelor,” which premiered last fall.
The show is a spinoff of the reality TV shows “The Bachelor,” which premiered in 2002, and the 2003 series “The Bachelorette.” The franchise produces romance and relationship programs that offer unmarried contestants a chance to find love — on national television.
Not only did Vassos and Hulkower become ambassadors of the idea that romance is possible for people over 60, but they also got an unexpected bonus: new friends among the 22 contestants.
When they flew to Los Angeles last August in the hopes of finding love and marriage, they didn’t know that a different type of deep relationship awaited them.
“The camaraderie and the friendships with the [other] women…truly, I did not expect it,” Hulkower said.
“I went on looking for love, like everybody else did. What came together was so much more than that. We all really stuck with each other and [have] supported one another since then.”
While neither woman was among the final three who were selected to go on hometown dates with 72-year-old Gerry Turner, the pair invited four of their fellow contestants, who have become close friends, to this area for a visit. They got to show their besties around the nation’s capital in February.
‘Like summer camp’
Contestants learn about the show through online national casting calls, such as the one taking place now for those DMV residents who hope to follow in Hulkower and Vassos’ footsteps. Hulkower, 61, first heard about the casting call from her niece, who encouraged her to apply.
The sense of community that grew from their appearance on the show has been transformative. Before participating as a contestant, Vassos, 61, said she was used to living as a widow in a couples’ world since nearly all of her friends were married or in relationships. But then she “walked into this room with 21 other women who were in the same boat as me.”
Hulkower agreed. “It’s like being at summer camp, where you make friends for life.”
Before leaving for Los Angeles, both women said they panicked a bit when they saw ABC’s suggested packing list, which they had to put together quickly (contestants had to bring their own clothes). While both women already owned some beautiful dresses, they quickly shopped to fill out their wardrobe for the show.
Once they arrived, they still didn’t have everything they needed for all occasions. So, the contestants generously shared with one another — everything from shoes to dresses to styling help.
“It was almost like I was back in college in my sorority. We all were really supportive of one another, and that included doing one another’s hair and makeup,” Vassos said.
Both women found that the show was less of a competition than they expected. While they hoped to find a soulmate, they also wanted to be sure it was the right match for Turner and for the woman he would ask to marry him. So, they wanted to help one another look and feel their best.
But it wasn’t all about glammed-up looks, Hulkower said. “I also like that some of us…were more natural in some of the settings. If I was watching it, I would want to see some people who weren’t all dolled up.”
Indeed, the women left the program thrilled that they represented so many viewers who don’t necessarily wear ball gowns on dates.
“We wanted it to be a platform for good,” Hulkower said. “I hope that people see that at our age, when you have been divorced or widowed, you will still have hope.”
While most contestants stayed for about a month, both DMV women left the show after the first few episodes. Vassos had a tearful goodbye with Turner, departing because her daughter had just given birth and needed support.
Hulkower left in part due to an injury that made it hard to walk up and down the mansion’s stairs. But she also realized that she and Turner weren’t clicking the same way he was with some of the other women.
Since their television debuts, the two D.C.-area residents have received wonderful feedback from locals who watched the show.
“People approach me all the time,” Vassos said, including young women who want to fix her up with their fathers, and women her age who say, “You’re such an inspiration.”
Hulkower hears the same types of comments. “Most people have said, ‘Oh my gosh, you girls are so great. You have so much fun together, it made me want to get back out there again.’”
But like anyone in the dating world, Hulkower and Vassos said they know they have to keep at it until they find the partner who is right for them. Hulkower took up pickleball and plans to start golfing, in part as a way to meet people.
Experience boosted confidence
Fortunately, they gained some new skills as golden bachelorettes. The talent competition, a staple of the Bachelor series, was a place to push themselves past their comfort zones, performing for an audience of 300 in the studio and millions more on TV.
“I felt like I grew a lot because I just got up there and I [found that] making a fool of yourself onstage can be charming,” Vassos said.
Indeed, her performance, reading a comedic poem she wrote, endeared her to Turner, who picked her for a romantic one-on-one date.
Those daring talent show performances, like everything else on the show, were a bit easier for contestants due to the bighearted sisterhood the women forged.
“I was sitting by Joan at the talent show and we were holding hands,” Hulkower said.
“I felt like I was cheering on my six-year-old in her first kindergarten play. We were more supportive and there for each other than it was competitive.”
The women’s family members cheered for them from home as well, watching their mothers or grandmothers on TV.
“They saw me not just as their mom,” Hulkower said. “I think they saw me as a grown woman, a single woman who’s ready for love and wants to find someone.”
Her kids also discovered that their mom wasn’t the only older woman in search of lasting love, which she said “was revelatory for them.”
Still searching
While Hulkower and Vassos gained powerful friendships from the show, neither woman found a new husband.
Theresa Nist was the woman who won Turner’s heart. She married him in a televised wedding on January 4. Both local women are thrilled for the couple, and they left the show with their hearts open to the possibility that lasting love awaited them.
Like the other bachelorettes who were smitten by Turner, Vassos was initially quite attached to him.
“I started to feel for the first time like I was ready for love,” she said. “It’s been two years since my husband passed away. In my head, I knew logically that’s what I wanted, but my heart wasn’t there yet. My heart got there on the show.”
Both women have stayed busy with additional appearances on Bachelor shows since then. They attended Turner and Nist’s wedding. Hulkower also flew back to L.A. to talk to some of the girls who are contestants on the current edition of The Bachelor.
While both have had several offers to date and connected briefly with a few prospective men, neither has found a match.
“I’m still looking. You can put that out there,” Hulkower said to this writer with a smile.
If ABC asked them to appear in the first Golden Bachelorette, a spin-off planned for this fall, they said they would certainly be interested.
“I would love it if they would find me 22 eligible bachelors to choose from. I think I could find love in one of them,” Vassos said.
The women stay connected through group texts, calls and their recent D.C. visit. They cheer one another on while each continues their search for the men who will retire as golden bachelors — and become golden husbands.
If you’re interested in applying for an upcoming season of Golden Bachelor or Golden Bachelorette, visit BachelorNation.com, click on “casting,” select Golden Bachelor and complete the appropriate online application.