Dale Springer has retired from two careers, while his wife, Maria, has worked from home for years. They say they’ve avoided some of the pitfalls that can plague retired couples by keeping up with their individual interests and activities, and giving each other space. Other relationships, such as friendships, may also need to be recalibrated in retirement. Photo by Chris Myers

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We talk a lot about how retirement affects our finances. But do we talk about how retirement affects our relationships? Probably not as much as we should, says Baltimore life coach Barbara Harman.

“Retirement brings a lot of emotional changes,” Harman said. “Some people are prepared for them, but most are not.”

Recently retired psychiatric nurse Pamela Worthington, for example, is still waiting to feel as “ecstatic” as she expected she would once she retired. One thing she didn’t expect to feel was the loss of the easy relationships she had with her co-workers.

“It was more organic [before],” the Towson resident said. “When we were on a break or passing each other in the halls, there was an opportunity for a quick conversation, even if only to say hi and ask what was new. Now I feel like I have to have a reason to call them.”

Friendship transitions

Friendships do change over time. We graduate from school, get married, have kids. All these passages bring changes to our relationships. The same holds true for retirement.

According to a study by sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst of Utrecht University in the Netherlands, we lose about half our friends every seven years.

The good news is that we usually do replace them. It just may take longer as we get older and lose the established structures — such as work — that provide ready opportunity and shared experiences in our lives.

In the “Friendship Blog” (www.thefriendshipblog.com), friendship expert Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., notes that the workplace is often an important source of friendships (that’s especially true for women). Before you retire, she advises exploring whether any workplace friends are good prospects for remaining so once you no longer work together.

Sharing activities — from golf, to Scrabble, to book clubs — is a good way to keep relationships intact, or form new ones, according to AARP. So is volunteering or taking a class.

Finally, two and a half years ago the Springers mutually agreed that the time had come. “We have adjusted, and are happy on the far side of that decision,” said Dale.

But now another matter is looming, the possibility of reducing from two cars to one. “We both have such active and varied schedules that we do not see how we can make that work,” said Dale.

 “We understand that the day might come when one of us can no longer drive, [but] right now we worry how we will adjust to one car. This is not a major issue in the greater scheme of things, but one of the adjustments many couples go through in life.”

“Change is hard and adjustments are not easy,” said Harman. “That’s why planning for retirement means more than keeping an eye on your investments. It means looking at how you want to spend your time, with whom, and how to accommodate the other person.”