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Dear Solutions:
My 8-year-old grandson is living with us for a while. I think I overreacted to something he did, and I punished him in a way that I now think was unfair.
My wife is angry at me, and says I should apologize to him because he thinks I don’t love him.
I think if I apologize, it will undermine my authority. And besides, he knows I love him, so I don’t have to say it.

— Grandpa

Dear Grandpa:
You know that saying, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”? Sorry, but it’s a lie.
True love often means having to say you’re sorry — even when you’re the grandparent. It means caring enough to apologize when you’re wrong.
So, apologize. You’ll be teaching your grandson a valuable lesson. He’ll learn that people, even grandparents, make mistakes. And that when they do, they apologize — as he should when he makes a mistake.
It won’t undermine your authority. It will increase his respect for you as a person who is fair.

Dear Solutions:
My husband and I were both widowed, and we’re in a second marriage for 10 years now. We each have adult children from our first marriages.
Because of recent deaths in the family, we’ve become aware of the need to plan for our own deaths.
My family has graves in a certain area, and various close family members are buried there. There is a gravesite there for me, and I would like to be buried there.
My husband has that same arrangement elsewhere with his family. But he says that, since we started a new life, we should be buried together. That means we would both be buried away from our families.
What do you think we should do?

— Sylvia

Dear Sylvia:
You have to look at what burial places are for. Are they for the dead, or are they really for the living children, grandchildren and other descendants who want to visit their families?
Graves and cemeteries have a sense of family history. It certainly helps if your descendants can go to one place.
Being buried separately does not take away from having been alive together. Your husband could be buried with his family and you with yours — separate but equal.
You and your husband should think about this and try to come to a mutual decision.
And, anyway let’s face reality. If you really want your children to visit, you should be buried at a shopping mall!

© Helen Oxenberg, 2019. Questions to be considered for this column may be sent to: The Beacon, P.O. Box 2227, Silver Spring, MD 20915. You may also email the author at helox72@comcast.net. To inquire about reprint rights, call (609) 655-3684.