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Dear Solutions:

My daughter-in-law came to stay at my house for a few days while she had a job close to where I live but far from where she lives.

Without going into details, she just ignored certain ways I do things in my home, and acted as if I could be ignored.

I asked her to go to dinner with me, and it was arranged —until her friend called, and then she just broke our appointment like it didn’t count at all.

She’s going to be coming back again. Should I confront her, or should I say something to my son and let him handle it?

— Mom-in-law

Dear Mom-in-law:

It’s your daughter-in-law; your home; your problem. It’s between you and her, so don’t force your son to get involved.

Invite her to lunch before she comes. Express your disappointment at the way you were treated. Tell her you’ll be happy to help her by welcoming her to your home when she needs to be there, but there must be a better understanding between the two of you.

Leave son out of it. You may have fought his battles for him when he was little, but he shouldn’t have to fight yours now, since you’re big.

Dear Solutions:

My husband has just been diagnosed with the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s. He is still able to function pretty well, and we still carry on our social life with other couples. But he is beginning to show signs of slowing down in memory and a little in speech.

My dilemma is that I don’t know whether to tell friends or relatives about his condition. At the same time that I want people to be patient with him as much as possible, I also have to admit that my social life gives me great pleasure, and I want to be able to continue it as long as possible.

What do you think I should do?

— Mollie

Dear Mollie:

“As long as possible” is up for interpretation. What will make it possible for you to keep up your social activities before you’ll feel the need to explain that your husband’s reactions are caused by his illness?

I think you should follow your feelings. When you begin to feel uncomfortable with a situation, you can then explain his condition to your friends. People are basically kind, even though it is frightening to them to realize that what is happening to your husband could one day happen to them.

Meanwhile you, as the caregiver, need to find respite and maintain a good quality of life for yourself. You and your husband should join an Alzheimer’s support group, and you should also join a caregiver’s support group where you can share your concerns and your fears with others going through the same experiences.

Contact your local Department of Aging to get referrals. Good luck.

Dear Solutions:

I’m very worried. My son and his wife are expecting a baby soon. They own an annoying cat, and I’m worried that that won’t be good when the baby comes.

They want me to take care of the cat while my daughter-in-law is in the hospital and when she first comes home. Of course, I haven’t said anything to them, but I want to “accidentally” kill the cat while it’s with me. I want to do this because I think it’s bad for the baby to have this cat around.

My son loves this cat, and I know they’ll never get rid of it unless it’s somehow just gone.

One of my friends agrees with me that anything I do to protect the baby is OK, but her friends say I’d be crazy to do this. What do you say?

— B

Dear B:

I say MEOW-OW-OW! It’s one thing to start a battle with an animal rights group; it’s another thing to antagonize your son and risk alienating him long-term. Now, that would be cat-a-strophic.

It is also extremely cruel to harm a helpless animal. So don’t commit a feline felony. Do educate your son to the possible dangers of cat and cradle — cats can and often do jump into a baby’s crib, and that could possibly be harmful to the baby.

But there are also many myths about cats and babies. Cats do not smother babies or suck the air out their lungs because they smell milk on them. Also, cats do not attack crying babies.

Tell your son and daughter-in-law about your concerns. After that, it’s up to them to protect the baby from the cat — and the cat from the killer.

© Helen Oxenberg, 2018. Questions to be considered for this column may be sent to: The Beacon, P.O. Box 2227, Silver Spring, MD 20915. You may also email the author at mailto:helox72@comcast.net. To inquire about reprint rights, call (609) 655-3684.